160805

It’s been two weeks of successful night sleep. Already fell asleep on 9pm (10pm latest) nowadays and I found that:

  • I have better mood in the morning.
  • Less stress throughout the day (I’m on pms and I don’t feel significant mood swing I usually have and my bad temper have been slightly tamed)
  • Easier to focus on work.
  • Also easier to focus doing makeup (IMPORTANT)
  • Better and improved translation because of the point above.
  • Better and brighter skin condition (also because I started using micellar water and non-scrub face wash which have been proven to worsen my dry skin condition)
  • Better energy (can’t say it’s high or energized but I have better energy to fuel me throughout the day)
  • Significantly large appetite (I have to have breakfast in daily basis now)
  • Unable to stay up a little longer after 10pm because too sleepy already

In all, I’m pretty glad with all of these. Kind of missed being a night owl but I love this newfound ‘healthy’ habit that I had now. I hope I could keep it going for the longest of time.

160129

it’s not you. it’s me.

all these stress i’m feeling, not caused by you. it’s me, feeling it. allowing myself to feel it. i’m not slightest bit mad. i’m just stressed out. that’s all.

maybe i am actually not worthy. i am incompetent. i am a failure.

i feel like shit for doing all the best i can yet it never meet anyone’s expectation. crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t even bat an eye for me.

why am i even trying.

160128

I wish I’m not easily stressed out.

I wish I’m better in taking longer breaths to keep myself calm. I wish I’m not easily distraught by the slightest bit of disorder. Really. My life is already a train slipped out of its track and crashed a tunnel yet I screamed out if I see my manga collections moved from their spot by an inch. I shouldn’t be like that.

I should’ve just vent out. I should’ve pointed things out. Or better, I should’ve just make things right.

It’s stressful. It’s exhausting. It’s draining my energy. It makes me feel worse than I originally was. I don’t need this. I don’t want to feel it.

Damn.

150826

So hari ini gue kesiangan, nyaris telat, dan memutuskan naik GoJek.

*theme song GoJekku Idolaku /ngarang*

As per usual dijemput di gang deket rumah. Pas drivernya bilang “Lewat Srengseng aja ya, Mbak?” langsung gue iyain. Tak dinyana dia lewat belakangan perumahan yang super sepi dan banyak rumah tua, yang truthfully sebenernya pengen banget gue lewatin dari dulu haha. Ternyata tembusnya sampe ke deket Taman Aries. Omg itu perumahan luasnya bener-bener dari Srengseng sampe Joglo :O

Pas udah sampe kantor drivernaya nanya, “Kamu cucunya Pak (nama Yangkung gue) ya?”

ISTIGHFAR TERNYATA INI DRIVER MASIH TEMEN SATU GENG YANGKUNG GUE HAHAHA dunia sempit sekali~

140720

a.k.a weekly update as per 3rd week of july.

– pc at work dead by monday. on at tuesday. back to dead again throughout wednesday to friday. thinking that it could’ve been the helper who accidentally pulled some cables, i told them not to clean my desk. obviously one of them must’ve have difficulty to obey order, so yeah, she cleaned it. which caused my pc to die for the rest of the week. thank you so much. i hope you step on a lego.

– first day of school means THREE LONG AGONIZING HOURS OF TRAFFIC. can you believe that i was off by 6.05am and got to office on 9am? you students pissed me off beyond belief. stop taking your parents and your cars to school fgs.

– went fasting break together with friends on wednesday. heavy rain tho. urgh. weather y u so unpredictable.
and as always, rain = heavy traffic.

– started watching jessica & krystal. it is unexpectedly nice and heartwarming and so far from bitchy. they always have this bitchy ice queen image and this show gave me lots of different perspective about them. i love how jessica cares about crystal, and how crystal loves to snuggle to her sis. they smiled so much throughout the show. it is fun.

– started bulk buy project of “just us” with jaejoongid awhile ago.

– jyj’s comeback is really happening. it’s real.

– things are finally starting to look up in the family. while i’m deciding to let it go on work and fandom.

– yes, i was this close in giving up on fandom bec of things happening over the past weeks. but i decided, fans will be assholes. some are nice, some just need to be banished from the mind.

– LACK OF SLEEP IS KILLING ME.

– shows i enjoyed watching/working: wahlburgers, world wars.

– songs i enjoyed listening: metronome by jay park, mr. ambiguous by mamamoo, darling by girl’s day, stolen by dashboard confessional.

– note for next week: stop stressing out. breathe in. people including you, make mistakes. loosen up. you’re not less loved. people are just less mindful like that.