Pukul 5 pagi. Tukang roti yang sama selalu lewat. Nyaris tak pernah absen. Dia hanya berjualan agak siang jika pagi itu hujan.
Dedikasi? Ya, aku menyebutnya dedikasi. Pada pekerjaan. Pada mata pencaharian. Aku salut.
Biarpun kadang aku takut keluar rumah jam segitu. Gelap. Tak ada yang lewat dan dingin.
Semoga rejekinya selalu lancar.
Yesterday was a series of bad luck.
– Unable to book both GoJek and GrabBike for an hour or so (whosoever thought to have promo while also bidding driver to pick us up is the worst people ever. And I have to tell you that they somehow made the drivers cocky. I only had any luck after 20+ attempts in two bookings, and he delivered me to wrong place. Haven’t encountered this shit with GoJek but their internal server can be super sucks sometimes)
– Which made me late for like 15 mins (yay! NOT)
– Thankfully the rest of the day went smooth.
– But then night comes and boy, a snack seller managed to spill his peanut sauce all over my fave shoe. MY FAVE SHOE (now it stinks like hell and looks absolutely gross)
– Walking begrudgedly to the office, a security told me (in a polite way) that my period blood was smeared all over my shirt. GREAT.
– And shit stained my office seat too!
– But thankfully I managed to change into my tee and got home safe.
Hopefully this year’s bad luck have been dumped to that day because if one shit happened again today I might just go home and cry until 25th.
Maybe I shouldn’t go to the office yesterday. It’s as if universe teamed against me “Hey, let’s make Nyan’s day miserable!” /sighs
Brother came home from his two day trip to a friend’s home just outside the city. The truth is, I felt so alone sleeping all by myself. Being living together for so long have made me somewhat dependant on him for things. And his absence have made me feel some sort of pang inside.
I wonder if he felt the same when I ran away months ago.
We had our fair share of fights. From mild ones to those in which I felt like I’ve failed being a sister. I hope things are merely simple misunderstandings from now on. I wish for no more fights, just happy and peaceful days for us.
Ah, his sleeping face. And how he mumbles on his sleep. Things I would never trade for anything in this world.
I haven’t been a great sister to him. So God, please give me more time.
Hi, Mom. How’s heaven up there? It must be fun since you’re no longer alone. Grandpa has gone there, so did your little sister. Also some of your friends at beauty parlor. Guess it’s pretty crowded. I bet you all are having fun up there. Maybe cooking. Everyone said your cooking skill is amazing. I can attest to that. My 14 years with you have proven no less. Thus that makes me kinda envy those who already with you.
Or maybe you’re all doing some girly time right now. Painting nails or doing some makeup? Or maybe curling each other’s hair? You’re a master on your own class, Mom. They’re all lucky. Too lucky.
Me? Uhh, things are pretty rocky right now. But we’re all fine. Me, brother, and dad are getting along much better than when you left us. Maybe everything (and everyone) aren’t in their place now, but we’ll make it. We’ll always make it, right? Because you believe in us. There’s never a moment of hesitation, even a second, in you, for telling us that we’re so much greater than who we are. That we’re always able to do everything. You gave us confidence and make sure that we are never the slave of the society. You are the best. Maybe you’re not alpha woman, Mom. But you made us (somewhat) alpha. And that’s bajillion times better.
Missing you whole awful lot.
Born again, still your daughter. Love you.
Our friendship will be filled with ups and downs. And so many times my cautiousness and independence will annoy you. But it’s just because I’m too mindful of your personal space and time. Because I know what’s it like to be walked over and left behind.
And I’m sorry for being so touchy. My affection is speaking.
*My letter to friends. New or old.
L O U D T H O U G H T S 